Aramis's leaving
by yamifannetje
Summary: Aramis decides to leave the Musketeers.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

D'Artagnan paced through his room. He had not much time, he was well aware of that. Captain Treville expected him as soon as possible for what promised to be a very great mission. He would be gone for weeks, maybe even months in the worst possible scenario. He had already said goodbye to Porthos and Athos but there had been an argument between him and Aramis which had caused the young musketeer to leave and for that, D'Artagnan hadn't seen him yet. He didn't want to leave without properly saying goodbye, but his pride was holding him back. He wasn't the one who had run off. He wasn't the one who should go apologize. But then he was the one who was going to leave and who didn't want to do so without at least seeing Aramis one last time. What had he done or said to anger the other so much? When D'Artaganan asked himself that for the numerous time, there was a knock on his door and on his answering, Athos entered. His face showed he had no good news.  
>"What is it?" asked D'Artagnan, feeling worse. He didn't want to leave his friends on bad grounds, but even less did he want to leave them while in trouble. Athos looked at him in a way as if he didn't know he was there.<br>"I have bad news." He stated.  
>"What is it?"D'Artagnan asked, growing uneasy.<br>Athos didn't say more than "Come."  
>D'Artganan followed him to the office of Treville.<br>"What is it? Athos?" again, Athos ignored D'Artagnan.  
>Inside, Treville stood behind his desk. Porthos was walking back and forth, speaking loudly to someone else in the room.<br>Entering the room D'Artagnan saw Aramis stand nearly against the wall as if afraid of Porthos's yelling.  
>D'Artganan felt his heart sink in his chest. His eyes caught those of Aramis. There was a silent conversation between them which was disturbed by Treville's attempt to calm down Porthos enough to cut him of.<br>"Ah, Athos." He said when he saw the other two come in. "just in time. Maybe you can find out what the hell is going on here."  
>Athos looked at D'Artagnan with in his eyes something close to denial.<br>"Porthos, aramis, the captain is right. What the fucking hell is going on?" D'Artaganan had never heard athos cursing like that. He noticed Treville looking at Athos out of the corner of his eye.  
>"What is going on? Ask him!" Porthos pointed at Aramis. "Why the hell does he think he's going?"<br>Wait, what was that? D'Artagnan stared from the one to the other. Athos crossed his arms over his chest.  
>"It is my right to go when I want." Aramis said.<br>"Aramis."  
>"No, Athos. It's done. I leave the musketeers."<br>"What?" D'Artagnan cried out, making every man in the room looking at him.  
><strong><br>****(to be continued)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Aramis stalked out, nearly running down a young musketeer who was coming up to Treville's office, or so Aramis thought. The young man said something unnice but hadn't count on Aramis actually hearing him. The young and valuable musketeer stopped in his tracks and turned around. The other didn't wait for an outburst however and hurried away before Aramis could do as much as open his mouth.  
>Aramis smiled to himself at that. After the mental blow D'Artaganan had given him it felt cruelly good to see someone actually cower away at the very sight of him.<br>Once on the street, he took a moment to decide to his next step. He had to calm down. It hadn't been really mature to run off like that, neither had it been to fly away after his argument with D'Artagnan earlier.  
>He walked through the many streets without destination. It started to rain and it was getting colder as time passed but Aramis didn't bother.<p>

Porthos had followed Aramis out but had soon lost track of him. After a couple of minutes he stood still again with no Aramis in sight when Athos joined him.  
>"At last." Porthos mumbled.<br>Athos didn't provide that with a reaction. Instead he asked: "Did you see him?"  
>"Last I know he must have gone that way." Porthos pointed at a little lane. An old man was yelling and shaking his fist towards a figure who had run off in the alley after he ran him down.<br>Athos nodded. There came a glance in his eyes which Porthos knew all to well.  
>"Do you think what I think?"<br>"We are not far from the place where Marsac has been buried."  
>They looked at each other and Porthos nodded.<p>

Aramis stood before the grave of his late friend and former musketeer with a heavy heart.  
>"Did you ever forgive me, Marsac? For shooting you down like a bandit. While, actually, you saved my life back than and this is the way I repaid you for that. You died as a gentleman. What has become of me?"<br>"Maybe D'Artagnan was right. I am such a coward! I am not worth the name of a musketeer."  
>He threw himself on his knees and started to cry.<br>"What has become of the friend you saved in Savoy, five years ago, Marsac? You risked your own life to safe me and then grieved for all those years about what you thought was your fault. In your heart you were a noble man, until the moment I…"  
>Aramis started to cry more freely now, his shoulders trembling. He heard D'Artagnan's voice in his head again. They had both been at fault, he knew. And it was not to him to blame D'Artagnan. As for himself, he knew he had gone to far at last. But then it hadn't bene fair. At the moment, he hadn't had no choice but what he did. The conversation had turned to D'Artagnan's mission which was supposed to become a tough one. Athos had just shared his concerns for the young man and so had Aramis and Porthos. Aramis had taken the golden cross he always wore around his neck, hidden under his garments and told D'Artagnan God would look after him. Porthos had snorted and said something along the lines of 'As if he could handle a fair fight.' Aramis had started to argue and D'Artagnan chose the side of Porthos in what he considered to be a little teasing. When Aramis got really fed up about something, D'Artagnan had said the doomed words.<em><br>"__You pretend to be a Christian but you excite every bloody woman you meet and you fill your days with the fucking blood on your hands."  
><em>From there, it turned all for the worse._  
>"<em>_I'd take that the other way around." Athos said. Porthos thought about that for a moment before he burst out howling with laughter, interrupting the heating conversation.  
>"I'll drink to that." He took the bottle of wine off the table. "To the bloody blood and the fucking women." He rose his glass. D'Artagnan stared at Aramis with a smile but that smile soon vanished when he saw Aramis's face.<br>"At least I can get the girls in my bed and the blood on my hands."  
>He could see at D'Artagnan's eyes alone that had hit its aim. He felt a smile creep over his face.<br>"Pity you can't keep them there for longer than one night." The Gascon's voice was loaden with menace. His eyes narrowing dangerously "And as for the blood on your hands, it's not only your enemy's."  
>At that, Aramis had first stiffened and paled when the full meaning of the words sank in. Next he had surpressed the urge to lay his hands around the younger man's throat. He had seen Athos standing up and that had stopped him somehow to proceed. How embarrassing as that was on his own. He withdrew and left the inn without as much as a glance at Athos and Porthos. <em>

"He might be right, you know. After all, I have your blood at my hands. For the sin of murder, God might forgive me, but for failing you, my friend, only you could forgive me. I hope, if I ever can reach for Heaven, we will meet again and you will say that; yes, you forgave me."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was raining enough now to sweep the whole city. Or so it seemed to Athos and Porthos.  
>"This is madness!" Porthos was yelling to be heard above the howling wind. Why does that idiot have to do this to us?"<br>Athos didn't answer but not because he hadn't heard Porthos. The opposite, it had made him to think again. He didn't udnerstand what had just happened. Actually it had been D'Artagnan who had said the thing that had set Aramis off but then, the all but one youngest had been in a bad mood. Athos had first noticed something to be amiss when Aramis didn't react on Porthos remark about the blood and women. He himself had meant his words as a kind of joke, as far as he was up to jokes. Morely just teasing. And D'Artagnan's laughing had proved he saw it that way too. But Aramis clearly didn't. When he had chosen Porthos side in the argument, things had gone wrong the moment D'Artagnan had only half jokingly he supposed, told Aramis he was a fake. Now Athos couldn't disagree with him for the Gascon wasn't the frist person who mentioned the remarkable contrast in his young friend: a christian, a musketeer and a womanizer. The second and the trhird being in contrast with the values of the real catholic. And still it was who he was and itw as not the them to judge him. He was a good musketeer, no doubt about that, honest in his faith and loyal to the death towards his friends. He hadn't deserved thsoe hard words D'Artagnan had thrown to his head.  
>But then he had defenden himself most forcefully too against them. Athos didn't want to think about D'Artagnan now for a while because he knew he should be worried about Aramis but he couldn't allow himself to pity only him and to put all the blame on the young fellow.<p>

"This is madness!" Porthos repeated himself. He and Athos had returned just before the storm broke loose on Athos's persistent urging. Once inside Treville and D'Artagnan, who had to (uitstellen) his departure due to the weather, came to them. As far as they knew Aramis hadn't returned. Porthos had started to go back to search for him but they had held him back .  
>"We stay inside. It is dangerous to stay outside in this weather." Treville said.<br>Porthos stared at Athos who nodded, not quite believing what he heard. "Are you telling me we are going to leave Aramis out there?"  
>Athos crossed his arms.<br>"Aramis will have gone inside somewhere himself. He's not that stupid."  
>"Happy to hear you say it." Porthos mumbled.<br>"What's that?"

Porthos didn't answer. He knew what he was going to say was not count for. He glared at D'Artagnan was saying something to Athos who nodded. Somehow that made him so angry that he leaft the room without minding Treville's "Porthos? Where are you going?" and D'Artagnan's "What is he up to?"

Porthos stalked out, ignoring the wind screaming around him and the rain soaking him from head to toe in only seconds. He stared at the window after which he knew Aramis's room was. There was no movement as far as he could judge but of course it could be Aramis was in bed. Most logical if he had returned out of the rain and the cold. He went back inside and knocked at the door. No answer came. He found that the door wasn't locked. Most strange for Aramis to be as careless, even here, where everyone should be to trust. Porthos knocked again before going in. The room was empty. Porthos felt bad in his stomach when his eyes went over the bed, which was tidely made up. On it was the golden crucifix Aramis always wore. He never before laid it off as far as Porthos knew. When then had he done so? And why had he left it behind? Porthos felt anger rising in his chest. The answer was clear. D'Artagnan's words had hurt Aramis in the deepest pits of his soul. And worse, Aramis seemed to believe them. That, or he was ashamed of his beliefs. D'Artagnan had broken Aramis on a very sensible place. He would never forgive the little fellow if any damage had come to Aramis, be it mentally or physically.

He took the crucifix and went down again. On the stairs he met Athos.  
>"Porthos." Athos stopped him. He looked at Porthos hand and the necklace with the golden cross.<br>"I know you are worried about Aramis, believe me, I am too."  
>"Are you?" Porthos asked coldly. "Are you really worried?"<br>Of course I am."  
>Porthos shook his head. "I can believe you try to be, but deep inside you blame him for everyhting what happened and you don't care whether he comes back or not."<br>"Porthos, that's enough. You are not drunk so nothing gives you the right to speak to me like that. Aramis is my friend and I do care for him but yes, I am of the idea he has as much guilt at his dispute as D'Artagnan. If he wants to leave the musketeers over this, it's his decision. I will not stop him. D'Artagnan leaves as soon as the storm calms down. I'm not letting him leave all on his own. We are supposed to be friends, after all.  
>"Friends?"<br>Porthos had said that without really thinking about it. Athos looked at him. His eyes stern.  
>"How do you want me to call d'Artagnan, then?" he asked sternly.<br>Porthos shrugged. Athos nodded. "All right. I understand."  
>"Where does this leave us, then?" Porthos asked, meaning himself and Athos.<br>"I am trying to keep a neutral position."  
>Porthos only looked Athos in the eyes for a moment and then nodded his head. "Right."<p>

Treville stood up from his chair when they entered. Before he could say anyhting, Porthos spoke:  
>"I hope for God's sake I'll find him back alive."<br>He looked at D'Artagnan while he said it, showing the golden cross. Or only God may know what next otherwise."  
>Treville was the first to speak after this statement. "Calm yourself, Porthos. There's no need to immediately think the worst."<br>"Captain, this can't be any good." Porthos said. He held up the cross. "Aramis would never abadon this."  
>"True." Athos said.<br>"Maybe he put it off in an impulse and has forgotten he had done so when he left." D'Artagnan supposed. Porthos threw him a dark glare. Athos intervened. "D'Artagnan might be right. Sooner or later he might come back to get it. We shouldn't worry to much yet."  
>Porthos had to admit that sounded fair enough. "How long do you suppose to wait then?"<br>"He surely has to come to discover it is gone when he strips off his clothes tonight. Maybe sooner as he will be soaked as we are, if not worse, if he happened to be still outside when the storm began."

"But that leaves us with nothing to do untill tomorrow morning." Porthos exclaimed.  
>"I fear so, yes." Athos said.<br>"Fantastic." Porthos said sarcastically.  
>"Let's not panic." Treville said. He took his hat.<br>Athos placed a hand on Porthos's shoulder. "Come on, big boy. You need a beer."  
>"Make that two. I'm still soaked to my very bones."<br>They all laughed while they left the office.  
>When Athos mentioned he had no money with him and that it was Porthos turn to pay, there was a not to misunderstand groaning amidst the raising laughter. <p>


	4. Chapter 4

Days went by and how much the musketeers want their comrade to come back, Aramis didn't turn up.

One evening, nearly a week after Aramis turned in his weapons, Porthos, to stubborn to give up on their friend, went to the room Aramis had occupied. He left the golden crucifix on the bed, only to discover the next morning it was gone.


End file.
